Question: 'If I leave my keys in the car when it's in my garage, the battery dies...'
Response: 'It's designed to do that...the computers won't turn off.'
Question: 'Even when in the off position?'
Question: 'Well, when the key is in the off position, the a/c blower will turn on and blow until I remove the key or, I suppose, when the battery dies.'
Response: 'That's a feature. It keeps down mold.'
Question: 'Well, then, why does the car sometimes lock all its doors and turn on the theft alarm for no apparent reason?'
Response: 'It's designed to do that sometimes, especially if you've recently opened the door to the gas cap. We get complaints from women all the time.'
Question: 'Well, is it also a wacky feature that the interior lights go on and off randomly while you drive?'
Response: 'I don't know about that one.....'
(update: this ended up costing a whole lot of money)